Hope - Shinedown

Hah! I swapped it around on you. The title song is further down.

Hi, friend! ^_^

We did it! We finally finished writing Ice Sword Chronicles: Book One start to finish! YAY! WOOT! HUZZAH! 

So the story continues. We still have a ways to go to finish the whole thing. While I was writing/editing the thing, I still haven't technically revised it yet. I finished the first draft and it has many, many errors and placeholders I need to go back and fix. But it's done! I realize it took forever. I apologize. It's been a busy year (on top of the last 15-ish years). I still got it done and that's what counts. 

(One of my favorite random lines from Fire Sword Chronicles)

That being said, let me shift gears for a second. Do you remember the feeling of change in your senior year of high school or maybe your last year of college? That feeling you get right before a move or job or relationship or appointment or milestone? A feeling of change approaching. Almost like you can see the curve in the road, but you can't see beyond it? You can feel the shift in the wind. You can hear the rolling of thunder and see clouds gathering on the horizon. That feeling. The knowledge that change is on its way. While you can take steps to delay it, you know you cannot prevent it. Change is inevitable. 

I told you when I came back to this blog that I would not be here for long. I knew I could only keep writing until the next life event knocked me down or simply took up all my spare time again. Every season has a timer. Change doesn't have to be good or bad or big. Change can just be. I don't know exactly what's coming, but I know it's just around the corner. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. 

While I would love to keep writing no matter what happens, that is not realistic. I have other priorities and obligations I must keep. Writing is a hobby to me and sometimes it falls to the bottom of the never-ending list of things to do (even when the story ideas are still there). I can say I will continue writing while I have the time and motivation for it. I think I will always be a writer at heart. 

The last time a significant life change hit, I left without saying goodbye. Well, that’s not entirely true. You were given very minimal warning. I marked the end of college and start of marriage, but I didn't expect to be gone for so long. I disappeared for years without an explanation. I don't want to let that happen again without at least expressing my thanks while I have the chance.

Rediscovering this blog, following all its affiliate links, driving down memory lane, seeing the old me while figuring out the new one - it's all been an amazing adventure in wonderland these last couple years. I never imagined I'd actually win NaNoWriMo and completely write two full books. Yes, I know all the hot water NaNo is in. I ain't touching that with a 39.5 foot pole, but let me have this. This was a childhood dream come true. Twice. I'm not officially participating this year. I might still do my own novel writing challenge at some point and not tie it to NaNo. Still figuring it out. I still have stories to finish and it has been an effective way to finish them. Just not this year. 

I did imagine that ISC would be a fully written book, but I didn't know all the work that would go into it. So many times, I wished I could transplant the vision in my mind's eye onto paper (or screen) without having to sit and muddle through all the details. Hours upon hours of work. Blood, sweat, and tears (so many tears; I sobbed over these fictional people) went into writing this. Is it published (or even publish-able) yet? Absolutely not, but this is the closest it's ever gotten! Of all the times I started and stopped, this is the most brought to life it's been since my co-authors and I started it back in 2009. I'm quite happy with that. These last two years have been a blast writing ISC again. I loved getting back into our old characters and watching them grow (or backslide, in Hanna’s case). I do hope it continues, but we'll see how it goes. It would be amazing to actually finish the full story. I have so many plans and arcs and words and details to add. Still hoping I can keep it to 3 books and not 4 or more. 

I know my co-authors and I were all very different people when we started ISC back in 2009. My aim with this re-write was to keep the spirit of adventure, the calling for glory, the weight of destiny, and the comradery that is built when friends overcome trials together. I was aiming for epic battles, witty dialog, serious questions, and comical moments. Questions of faith, salvation, humanity, justice, freedom, morality, identity, friendship, trust, truth, bias, free will, life, sacrifice, meaning, suffering, hope, love, loss, good, and evil. I am reconstructing a snapshot in time with the scraps that were left behind. My goal was to forge a path ahead while still respecting the writers and characters of the past. At the end of the day, what I create is based solely on my perspective. All the characters are fictional. The words are echoes. The settings are imaginary. I care about this story. I do. A lot. But it does not belong to me alone. I hope my co-authors of yesteryear can see my intent and forgive my shortcomings when I miss the mark. *salutes* O7

(You got this, Hanna. My beautiful, brave, powerful, fragile, lost, broken, Hanna. You'll find your light in the end. We hope.)

Losing SilverAngel in the midst of all of this was incredibly difficult. Losing my father was difficult too. Watching my home get invaded and go to war was difficult. There's no real way to explain it other than each loss hit differently. They all hit. And they all hurt. My heart still hurts. I don't wish that kind of pain on anyone. I won't explain it any more than that. 

I got to meet up with one of my co-authors again on this journey. By all accounts, we should have been complete strangers. But we weren't. We were friends. We're still friends. Thanks for being awesome, Misty. I'm glad the friendship is still there, even if the memories sometimes aren't. XD Love ya! (:

(Of course I wore black with pigtails, how else was she going to recognize me? :P )

And thank you, friend. 

Gentle reader. Silent watcher. I know you've been watching. You're not as invisible as you think you are. I might have never heard a single word from you, but I know you're still there. Still watching. Thank you for stopping by. It has been an honor to write for you. Thanks for following along with my silly little stories. It may not mean much to you, but it means the world to me. Wherever you are, wherever you go, I'll be cheering you on. I wish you the very best in life. Always. 

Who knows, maybe I'll still have plenty of extra time and get to keep writing and posting. A lot of things have been making a comeback lately. Maybe I can too? What is life, if not full of surprises? Whether I get to keep writing or not, it has been an honor. Don't worry. This is not the end of the story. It is only the end of the chapter. *bows* Thank you, friend. Maybe I'll see you around. 

Never Alone

Now, if we’re all reasonably okay with how Book One turned out... <_< >_> *seeing no complaints because no one's reported back that they've finished it yet* Who's ready to take on ISC Book Two? Enjoy the mood we're diving in with.

And yes, I'm building ISC Three's playlist too. Always writing with the end in mind. Enjoy the music. This is gonna be an interesting scene/arc when I finally get to it.

"Head full of questions, how can you measure up?

To deserve affection, to ever be enough 

for this existence. When did it get so hard?

Your heart is beating, alive and breathing

And there's a reason why 

you are essential, not accidental

And you should realize

You are beloved

I wanted you to know

You are beloved

Let it soak into your soul

Oh, forget the lies you heard

Rise above the hurt, and listen to these words

You are beloved

I want you to know you are beloved"

~ Beloved - Jordan Feliz

(Language warning for the following video, but I think it's worth watching.)

~ Always Hope ~

Illuminate

Illuminate

(A long-lost poem I wrote 10+ years ago about an angel helping out a struggling believer return to the light. I might rewrite it one day, but this is the original.)

I once was lost, but now am found.

Was blind, but now I see.

There was a time when I was bound,

But love has set me free.

A dream of darkness brought to life.

My nightmare is my own.

An outward sigh, internal strife.

Can love for this atone? 

I lost to dark, then won to light,

But change no one could see.

I can't but notice they were right,

For what is change to me?

No earthly blaze to light my way.

How can I see the road?

Why am I given unfair trade

And such a heavy load?

I walked along this darkened place,

Yet wasted so much time.

My drifting eyes found eyes of grace 

And heart of hope sublime.

A broken wing this angel had.

She cried with silent tears.

For my lost state had made her sad 

And strengthened all her fears.

Because I could not see the path,

So blinding was the light.

Pity for me the angel hath,

Thus took on cloak of night.

In darkness hid this shining light.

We walked in muffled glow.

For moon and star give better sight

When one is in shadow.

We walked and talked for quite a while

Of reason and belief.

With every word she made me smile,

Fresh change from world's relief.

This angel changed heart's apathy

With words of hope and grace.

Brought feeling, sense, and empathy,

And cooled my hatred's blaze.

I changed so much under her wings,

I cannot tell you how.

She takes the beggars, makes them kings,

And mercy doth endow.

My angel found the strength to fly,

The day of parting came.

Granted, until the day I die,

I ne'er will be the same.

No doubt, she found another being,

One now far worse than I.

Pray this soul be as believing,     

Her kind words to apply.

I dimly see the path ahead.

The trail now not as bleak.

But looking back, I take this stead 

And strive to remain meek.