This summer is off to an adventurous start. Kicked off May with a wedding, the Renaissance Festival, volunteer work, AND meeting another co-author!
As usual, I have way more hobbies than I have time for so life is always a little bit of everything.
Earlier this year, I did a 70-mile walking challenge and earned a medal for it. I signed up for another one to keep the momentum going.
(Leaning into the old hag in the woods look)
I'm trying to get back into reading more. I have so many books on my to-be-read pile, it's inexcusable. Having recently gotten back into GuildWars2, I picked up some of the lore books and am currently working my way through those.
Writing - is it possible to count all the notes I've made instead of actual writing? Cause I did way more of that trying to sort through and organize ISC than I did actual writing.
Piano is... in a lull. Meaning I haven't been practicing like I should. :p
My plants are growing, I think. Only a couple have died so that's progress. Some are even starting to bud!
It's been a month of making new friends. New guild members. New coworkers. New family members. People I should have been friends with a long time ago, but let fear keep me from reaching out until more recently.
(Look at that! I finally met DJ and the world didn't even explode!)
It's been a month of reconnecting with and supporting old friends. The friends whose families were in rough situations. The friends who had surgery and/or scary medical emergencies. The friends who went through significant loss. The friends going through major life changes. The friends sharing news of incredible joy or success.
Life gets busy. It's always busy. You don't get many moments to stop and catch your breath. And when you do, something always seems to come in to take it a way. Take a breath. In. Out. Slow down if you can, but don't stop. Life can be beautiful and wonderful and magical and meaningful, but you have to be looking for the light in the darkness. You can do it. I believe in you. And if you need help, I'm here. Never alone.
I see you. I know you're tired. I know you're weary.
It's been a long day. A long week. A long year. A long three years. A long eleven years. You see it. I see it. It never ends. It never stops. Oh, how you wish it would stop. How your tired heart aches.
It will end, eventually. You know that. I know that. We know the war has already been won. But not here. Not now. Not yet. Until then, you're not done. We're not done.
Rest.
Then get up.
“It’s going to be okay. Things will get better. Anything’s possible, as long as you don’t give up. You’re doing a good job.”
“We’re not sparring here, bud. Get up.”
"It doesn’t end here.” He stood up. “If you’re ready to keep going.”
"We're going to change things, you just wait and see. Just trust me. Things will get better. That's a promise."
"I can't believe that you of all people would be ready to give up! No."
"There's no such thing as hopeless."
"Good doesn’t battle evil because it is easy. Part of being the good guys means doing the hard things, even if no one else will. Even if we fail. Because there’s always the chance we won’t."
"As long as you try, that's all I ask."
"Giving up when everything in you is screaming to quit is not strength. Continuing to live and hope and trust and fight for what's right is not weakness. So what if it looks hopeless? I will keep fighting."
“Grief has its place, but you can’t let it consume you. Get up.” He stepped up and offered a hand. “Get up,” he repeated.
"Oh, I’m not finished yet. We’ve got a war coming, remember?"
“We watch out for each other, remember? You’re gonna be okay. Things will get better. That’s a promise.”
“I won’t give up! Not here. Not this place. I have to keep going."
"How many times are you going to stand up?”
“At least once more."
"Always hope. Always."
Eyes up, guardian. You're not alone.
When you're ready...
Let's go.
"These trials make us who we are, who we are, we are
We're motivated by the scars that we're made of
These trials make us who we are, who we are, we are
Hah! I swapped it around on you. The title song is further down.
Hi, friend! ^_^
We did it! We finally finished writing Ice Sword Chronicles: Book One start to finish! YAY! WOOT! HUZZAH!
So the story continues. We still have a ways to go to finish the whole thing. While I was writing/editing the thing, I still haven't technically revised it yet. I finished the first draft and it has many, many errors and placeholders I need to go back and fix. But it's done! I realize it took forever. I apologize. It's been a busy year (on top of the last 15-ish years). I still got it done and that's what counts.
(One of my favorite random lines from Fire Sword Chronicles)
That being said, let me shift gears for a second. Do you remember the feeling of change in your senior year of high school or maybe your last year of college? That feeling you get right before a move or job or relationship or appointment or milestone? A feeling of change approaching. Almost like you can see the curve in the road, but you can't see beyond it? You can feel the shift in the wind. You can hear the rolling of thunder and see clouds gathering on the horizon. That feeling. The knowledge that change is on its way. While you can take steps to delay it, you know you cannot prevent it. Change is inevitable.
I told you when I came back to this blog that I would not be here for long. I knew I could only keep writing until the next life event knocked me down or simply took up all my spare time again. Every season has a timer. Change doesn't have to be good or bad or big. Change can just be. I don't know exactly what's coming, but I know it's just around the corner. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.
While I would love to keep writing no matter what happens, that is not realistic. I have other priorities and obligations I must keep. Writing is a hobby to me and sometimes it falls to the bottom of the never-ending list of things to do (even when the story ideas are still there). I can say I will continue writing while I have the time and motivation for it. I think I will always be a writer at heart.
The last time a significant life change hit, I left without saying goodbye. Well, that’s not entirely true. You were given very minimal warning. I marked the end of college and start of marriage, but I didn't expect to be gone for so long. I disappeared for years without an explanation. I don't want to let that happen again without at least expressing my thanks while I have the chance.
Rediscovering this blog, following all its affiliate links, driving down memory lane, seeing the old me while figuring out the new one - it's all been an amazing adventure in wonderland these last couple years. I never imagined I'd actually win NaNoWriMo and completely write two full books. Yes, I know all the hot water NaNo is in. I ain't touching that with a 39.5 foot pole, but let me have this. This was a childhood dream come true. Twice. I'm not officially participating this year. I might still do my own novel writing challenge at some point and not tie it to NaNo. Still figuring it out. I still have stories to finish and it has been an effective way to finish them. Just not this year.
I did imagine that ISC would be a fully written book, but I didn't know all the work that would go into it. So many times, I wished I could transplant the vision in my mind's eye onto paper (or screen) without having to sit and muddle through all the details. Hours upon hours of work. Blood, sweat, and tears (so many tears; I sobbed over these fictional people) went into writing this. Is it published (or even publish-able) yet? Absolutely not, but this is the closest it's ever gotten! Of all the times I started and stopped, this is the most brought to life it's been since my co-authors and I started it back in 2009. I'm quite happy with that. These last two years have been a blast writing ISC again. I loved getting back into our old characters and watching them grow (or backslide, in Hanna’s case). I do hope it continues, but we'll see how it goes. It would be amazing to actually finish the full story. I have so many plans and arcs and words and details to add. Still hoping I can keep it to 3 books and not 4 or more.
I know my co-authors and I were all very different people when we started ISC back in 2009. My aim with this re-write was to keep the spirit of adventure, the calling for glory, the weight of destiny, and the comradery that is built when friends overcome trials together. I was aiming for epic battles, witty dialog, serious questions, and comical moments. Questions of faith, salvation, humanity, justice, freedom, morality, identity, friendship, trust, truth, bias, free will, life, sacrifice, meaning, suffering, hope, love, loss, good, and evil. I am reconstructing a snapshot in time with the scraps that were left behind. My goal was to forge a path ahead while still respecting the writers and characters of the past. At the end of the day, what I create is based solely on my perspective. All the characters are fictional. The words are echoes. The settings are imaginary. I care about this story. I do. A lot. But it does not belong to me alone. I hope my co-authors of yesteryear can see my intent and forgive my shortcomings when I miss the mark. *salutes* O7
(You got this, Hanna. My beautiful, brave, powerful, fragile, lost, broken, Hanna. You'll find your light in the end. We hope.)
Losing SilverAngel in the midst of all of this was incredibly difficult. Losing my father was difficult too. Watching my home get invaded and go to war was difficult. There's no real way to explain it other than each loss hit differently. They all hit. And they all hurt. My heart still hurts. I don't wish that kind of pain on anyone. I won't explain it any more than that.
I got to meet up with one of my co-authors again on this journey. By all accounts, we should have been complete strangers. But we weren't. We were friends. We're still friends. Thanks for being awesome, Misty. I'm glad the friendship is still there, even if the memories sometimes aren't. XD Love ya! (:
(Of course I wore black with pigtails, how else was she going to recognize me? :P )
And thank you, friend.
Gentle reader. Silent watcher. I know you've been watching. You're not as invisible as you think you are. I might have never heard a single word from you, but I know you're still there. Still watching. Thank you for stopping by. It has been an honor to write for you. Thanks for following along with my silly little stories. It may not mean much to you, but it means the world to me. Wherever you are, wherever you go, I'll be cheering you on. I wish you the very best in life. Always.
Who knows, maybe I'll still have plenty of extra time and get to keep writing and posting. A lot of things have been making a comeback lately. Maybe I can too? What is life, if not full of surprises? Whether I get to keep writing or not, it has been an honor. Don't worry. This is not the end of the story. It is only the end of the chapter. *bows* Thank you, friend. Maybe I'll see you around.
Never Alone
Now, if we’re all reasonably okay with how Book One turned out... <_< >_> *seeing no complaints because no one's reported back that they've finished it yet* Who's ready to take on ISC Book Two? Enjoy the mood we're diving in with.
And yes, I'm building ISC Three's playlist too. Always writing with the end in mind. Enjoy the music. This is gonna be an interesting scene/arc when I finally get to it.
"Head full of questions, how can you measure up?
To deserve affection, to ever be enough
for this existence. When did it get so hard?
Your heart is beating, alive and breathing
And there's a reason why
you are essential, not accidental
And you should realize
You are beloved
I wanted you to know
You are beloved
Let it soak into your soul
Oh, forget the lies you heard
Rise above the hurt, and listen to these words
You are beloved
I want you to know you are beloved"
~ Beloved - Jordan Feliz
(Language warning for the following video, but I think it's worth watching.)
(A long-lost poem I wrote 10+ years ago about an angel helping out a struggling believer return to the light. I might rewrite it one day, but this is the original.)
(I feel like I should post a disclaimer because I actually dislike the movie Castaway. It's a great movie, but the ice skate scene freaked me out as a child. This song is lovely and hits the message I want to send so I'm sending it.)
I leave seashells for people. Not literal ones. Not usually.
My way of keeping up with and interacting with friends is sporadic and inconsistent at best. One week, my focus may be on one friend and then next week it's on a completely different friend. Or maybe it's on a family member or a coworker or a church member or a stranger or even myself. My attention is pulled in so many different directions and the number of directions is always increasing. To help combat this, if I see, hear, or find something that reminds me of someone, I will try to reach out to them in that moment. I will leave them a meme, a song, a quote, a physical object, a letter, or some other type of message. It's my way of saying, "This reminded me of you. I hope you're doing well. I hope you're okay."
I don't ever expect an immediate response. I don't expect a response at all, most of the time. Life is busy. People have bigger priorities than me. They are also being pulled in a million directions. The last thing I want to be is a distraction. Some of them may not even remember me by the time I actually reach out. My goal isn't a response. My goal is to brighten their day.
I've left folded paper swans in airports for complete strangers I never saw again. I've left messages on public chalkboards of places I visit, not knowing who they will reach. I leave thank you notes, flowers, songs, and smiles. I leave a seashell and move on with the hope that, one day, maybe someone will return and see the little collection of seashells I left while they were gone. Maybe they'll return. Maybe they won't. Either way, I still leave seashells.
I want them to know that someone somewhere out there still cares. Someone still remembers your presence. Someone still remembers the way your face lit up when you got your first motorcycle, the pain in your voice as you told me about your divorce, the look of gratitude as I brought you your favorite energy drink, the smile when you got silly emoji golf balls for Christmas. Someone still remembers your sub order because you ordered the same exact thing every single time you came in. Someone still remembers the cake flavor at your wedding. Someone still remembers how hard it was for you to be away from your family while we worked on a fire in Wyoming so we'd go on group coffee runs while the sky was still dark. Someone still remembers you are deathly allergic to pine trees and lillies and walnuts and red meat and peanut butter and cats. Someone still remembers your favorite color. Someone still remembers your deepest fear. Someone still remembers how hard you worked to get yourself through college so you could get your dream job only for that job to turn into a nightmare. Someone still remembers the crack in your voice as you pointed to the ink in your skin and explained what it meant to you. And the reason why you gauged your ears. And why you dyed your hair pink. And why you wear an orange ribbon. And why you love cardinals. Someone remembers when you lost your daughter. Someone remembers when you lost your mom. Someone still remembers your name. Someone somewhere out there still cares, even if they are terribly inconsistent at communicating it.
I don't think I am alone in this. I have been left seashells too. A text, a call, a song, a meme, a note, a letter, a bouquet of flowers. A ray of sunshine on a rainy day. People paid for my order without knowing who it was that benefitted. People gave me stickers. People took an interest in what I am interested in and acted on it. People have looked at me and seen the potential I did not see in myself. They encouraged me to be better. So when that random thought comes up, "I wonder how they're doing," reach out. Leave a seashell. Start with people you know, but don't let it end there. You never know what impact you'll have. Be light. Be salt. Be the example you would follow. In a world where you can choose kindness, don't choose to be anything less.
I will keep leaving seashells. May you see the little collection and remember that someone somewhere still cared long after I'm gone. Be that someone too.
