Oh look, a song about the duality of man with themes of frost. Who's surprised? No one.
Update: I'm still writing Ice Sword Chronicles. (Recap of all my writing projects in this post). Yes, it's slow. Yes, it's all over the place. Yes, I should invest in an editor. After it's written. Any progress is still progress compared to the last.... ten to fourteen... years or so. Yeah, Hanna's character is awful. I've got major development in store for her. Trust the process. Believe me, it’s slow for me too. I keep writing notes for stuff I want to add that will end up in books 2 and 3 (please don't let it expand into a 4th, please, that's so much writing). I want to keep my promise. I've got stuff to do. I wanna wrap this up before life hits again.
Again, if you want to keep up with the rewrite of the story, follow the FB page or check out the ISC blog. I know I need to revamp the fb page. There are too many bots and fb as a platform in general isn't what it used to be. If you have any suggestions on how to handle that, let me know. It will sit there and I will keep posting to it until I figure out an alternative.
Second update: I've share another song I wrote. It's in the previous blog post, but wanted to give it some context. This is one I wrote a long time ago. I don't think I shared it with very many people at the time. I wrote it during one of the (many) darker times in my life (little did I know). I didn't share it because I thought it was too dark for my usual content, even though the lyrics are pulled from and inspired by the scriptures. Too dark. Too uncomfortable. Too raw. But I wanted to share it now for a couple reasons.
1. I've written a lot between high school, college, and present day. Songs, poems, stories, etc. But a lot of that content is lost or locked away (old laptops, forgotten accounts, packed in a box that's been moved too many times). The fact that I was able to get back into this old place and resume posting is almost magical. I consider this place an archive of sorts. A library of a forgotten age, lost in the sands of time, of which I am its caretaker. So for now, this place is as good as any to get my works out to where I can still find them. On that note, if I've shared any of my songs, stories, poems with you and you still have them, let me know. It'd be cool to have access to it again. (I wrote this really cool poem once about an angel who dimmed her light so she could walk beside others through their darkness and now I can't find it anywhere. DX )
2. If by some chance someone finds my song, maybe it can help them. I've always thought there were too few solemn, minor key hymns. Everyone likes to sing about joy, heaven, mansions, and sunbeams. All well and good. But my favorites were always the sad songs. The ones that acknowledge the sorrow, pain, and disappointment believers go through while on earth. While On The Sea. Poor Wayfaring Stranger. Abide With Me. When I Survey The Wonderous Cross. It Is Well With My Soul. Songs that make you (me) cry. I'll sing Poor Wayfaring Stranger over Mansion Over the Hilltop any day. .... maybe that's my problem... you can add it to the list. This song, my song, has been on my heart and mind. I still remember the lyrics and the melody after years of not seeing it. My point is, maybe my sad song will resonate with you. Maybe it won't. If it does, just know you're not alone.
February was a difficult month. February marks 2 years since losing my father. 5 years since losing a mentor. 3 months since losing my friend. 2 years since the all out invasion of my home. 10 years since the conflict started. I still remember crying in the stairwell the day I saw they took Crimea. Still. I try not to think about it. Any of it. What can you do, but think about it? I'm glad February is a short month. But February was a good month too. There were birthdays, milestones, and personal progress to celebrate.
As far as Ukraine goes, I got news that some friends who have been living in refuge in other countries have returned home. It's not any safer for them now than it was two years ago when war broke out. But how long can you live away from home and away from the family you had to leave behind? How long could you wait? What if it was you? That's the thing, isn't it? "It's not me. It'll never happen here." They thought so too. Just because we're less likely does not make us impervious. No one assumes the unthinkable will happen to them until it does.
Sorry, I was supposed to be talking about happy things, wasn't I? My friends were reunited with their familes. Whatever danger continues to assail them, they've chosen to face it together. There is good in that, even if it isn't very happy.
February is a month to celebrate love. People tend to focus on romantic love, but love is so much more than that. Love is active. Love is patience. Love is kindness. Love covers a multitude of sins. Love is not just caring for your spouse (or significant other). Love is caring for your parents, your in-laws, your grandparents, your children, your grandchildren, your brothers, your sisters, your blood relatives, your chosen relatives, your friends, your leaders, your employees, your neighbors, your enemies, your pets, and yourself. Love is compassion, empathy, understanding, endearment. Love is action. Love is sacrifice. Love's ultimate form is the Father sending His Son to save a world that hates Him. What would you do to protect the ones you love? What would you do to save the ones who despise you? Christians are known by our love. We are nothing without it. Is love the first thing the comes to mind when you hear the word "Christian"? Probably not. If not, we need to change it. We need to do better. We need to be better.
Don't get all twisted out of shape if you don't have someone to call your valentine. You have people you care about. You have people who care about you in return. Show them you love them through your acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, and gifts. If you do have a valentine, you get to do these things every single day. February is just a reminder.
"So, when they stand and tell the stories
Of who we are and what we've done
Of a thousand things that we could leave behind us
If they say just one word
Well, let that word be kindness"
~ Kindness - Steven Curtis Chapman
I'm going to show my nerd colors with this one. With the reboot of Final Fantasy VII, theaters decided to play Advent Children Complete for one night. You can bet your bottom dollar I got tickets as early as possible. This movie means a lot to me. Outside of the FF7 context, Advent Children doesn't make sense (to be fair, most of FF7 doesn't make sense). It's a bit silly and dramatic and probably full of cringeworthy moments (I'm too steeped in nostalgia to see anything but perfection). Seeing the complete version in theater was amazing. The last time I watched this movie, it was through those 14 part YouTube rips of the original cut (hey, even them graphics were top of the line back in 2005). I've seen people make fun of it and hate on it. But I still love it. It's one of my favorites. Let me tell you why.
(Epic music video first)
This story is set 2 years after the heroes win. The big bad is defeated, the world is saved, and everyone lives happily ever after. But that’s not quite right. A demolished city needs rebuilding, its people are diseased and dying, and the hero is struggling with trauma, grief, and hopelessness. Advent Children to me is a story of how to move on after tragedy. How to keep living after your world has been flipped upside down and the dust settles, never to go back to the way things were before.
Most people remember FF7's Aerith. Aerith is a healer. She is sweet and fun and a ray of sunshine in a dark world. Aerith brings joy and comfort to those around her. She is a light of hope. But we know what happens to her. Right? (Suspiciously narrows eyes at almost-released FFVII Rebirth). Hers is a delicate and temporary beauty, like the flowers she cares for. Either in spite of her ending, or perhaps because of it, people recognize Aerith. Everyone loves Aerith. On the flip side of this coin is Tifa. Tifa is a fighter. She is strong, capable, and independent. She runs her own businesses. Tifa holds things together. She keeps people grounded and believes in them when they don't believe in themselves. She doesn't let all the disappointments in life make her bitter. She is still sweet, gentle, and friendly. She isn't afraid to be vulnerable or honest or welcoming. She is also a light of hope. Hers is a guiding light in a dark sky. Tifa shows how to move on and keep living after the worst of the worst happens. Both sides of the coin are needed to help the hero overcome his challenges and move on.
"Darkest skies, hollow eyes
But the stars burn brighter
Than you realize"
~ Erutan - Aerith's Theme
In all honesty, I based part of Fire Sword Chronicles on this movie. Fire Sword Chronicles is my Advent Children. Maybe that's why I love it so much. They are both stories of hope and love and sword fights. Hope isn't just what you do when you can see the storm clouds gathering, the terrible things and times coming. Hope is what you do after they've happened, after the storm has passed. Hope and love are how you move forward.
Sephiroth: Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away.
Cloud: I pity you. You just don't get it at all. There's not a thing I don't cherish.
Find someone that loves you enough to wear matching friendship bracelets and watch your nerdy video game movie with you, even when you cry through it. 🖤 💚
(Yes, I cried. And then we watched Suzume, which drove home the whole life and loss theme even harder, and I cried through that too. And The Boy and The Heron. If You're trying to teach me a lesson, can we stop now? It's fine. I'm fine. Bring tissues.)
I hope the start of your year has gone well. If this post seems a bit late, I needed a break after the end of last year. I needed to find other hobbies, focus on new priorities, and renew different areas of my life. Tis the season of beginnings, isn’t it? Resolutions, renewals, rebirths, resets, and restarts. The new year brings a sense of something clean and fresh. An opportunity to do better. To be better.
In order to grasp the new, sometimes we need to let go of the old and that can be challenging. Old clothes, old habits, old memories, old coping methods, old relationships, old environments. These things may have fulfilled a purpose in the past, but if they no longer serve us or help us, they need to be let go. If they are not helping us grow into the new person we are trying to be, we need to replace them with things that will. But it is oh so comfortable staying where we are, isn't it? I don’t particularly like change, but if I don’t act and work to change for the better, that only guarantees things will stay the same or change for the worse. Stagnation is only avoided through change. I want to be better. So I must change.
I did not start off the year planning resolutions to keep, but I ended up with a long list of things I want to accomplish anyway. Things I want to do before next January. I broke those goals down into what I’d like to achieve within 6 months. Broke that down into monthly goals. Broke those down into weekly goals. All the way down until I had a list of daily things to work on. Have I met all those goals every single day? No, but every day I can start again. I have something to aim for every day that I know will help me improve over time if I stick with it. Some days I don’t meet all my goals. Some days I surpass my goals and do extra. But every day, I try. Just keep trying. Who knows, maybe next year I’ll be a better person than I am this year. Maybe next week I’ll be a better person than I am this week. Maybe I can be a better person today than I was yesterday.
In terms of new story posts, there are no story posts. I have not done much writing since November and the writing I have done isn’t great. I still have story ideas and scenes and writing prompts pop up so I know I’m not free of this calling yet. While some of the new Ice Sword Chronicles content is great, there are parts of it that don’t feel right. Something’s not clicking the way it should or the way I want it to. If you’ve read it and there are parts of it you don’t like, guess what? There are parts of it I don’t like either. I was debating whether to finish out the editing for what I have (over 50k words) and post it or completely start over (again). As my wonderful and inspiring co-author Misty reminded me, it’s still a rough draft. The time I spent rewriting ISC hasn’t been wasted. If anything, I’m still laying the foundation for a better future draft. 90% of ISC is silly banter dialog. Misty compared my effort to an animator trying to make a whole movie, but only having the voice actor bits to work with (which was spot on). I suppose at some point I’ll finish posting the rest of ISC Part One, but I need a writing break right now.
Instead, I picked up a new (old) hobby. My amazing, supportive, spectacular husband and lovely, awesome in-laws got me a keyboard for Christmas. ^_^ Due to lack of time and various other circumstances, I haven’t touched (much less practiced with) a piano in probably close to 7(-ish?) years. Some of the knowledge is there, but the skill is gone. When I sit down to play, it feels like I’m starting completely over. I don’t know how to read notes. Yes, I “studied” it, but I also cheated a lot through playing by ear (sorry, years of piano teachers (OO) ). When I pick up sheet music to play, I am illiterate. I have to start from the beginning. I have to learn the keys and how to properly read them this time. I have to stumble my way through the simplest children's songs. Yeah, it is incredibly embarrassing and frustrating. It’s easy to berate myself for losing this skill. “I should know this” “Why am I struggling with this”. No one likes starting over. But starting over is also the only way I’m going to improve. Practice. Keep trying. “Everyone starts somewhere” “You’re doing better today than you were yesterday” “You can do it”. I noticed it makes a difference when you WANT to learn something. And I do want to learn. So I’ll keep practicing. I’ll keep trying. I'll get better.
Along with these New Year’s goals, I’ve got the usual list of things to improve: spiritual health, physical health, financial health, mental health, etc. You’ve heard it before. You probably have those goals yourself. Just keep trying. You can do it. In thinking about these things, and the concept of starting over as a whole, I wrote a song. I already put that song in a separate post because this one is long enough as it is (check previous post). Either way, thanks for stopping by, friend. I appreciate you.
~ Always Hope~
Quick recap of all my current writing projects:
Ice Sword Chronicles (ISC)
Ice Sword Chronicles is the story I started with my co-authors (DJ, Misty, Brady, and others) back in high school. It started from a game (wrong answers to obvious questions) and I decided I was going to turn this thing into a book. Or several books. Rewriting this is what I worked on in November during National Novel Writing Month in 2023. My plan is to split this into 3 main story parts/books. I finished writing the first part last year. This is the story that haunts me and that I have determined I will get published some day or die trying. All current story content can be found at this blog link: https://iceswordchronicles.blogspot.com
Ice Sword Chronicles blurb:
Hanna is a super-powered hero with a dark past she doesn’t remember. When her friends get kidnapped by an evil villain, will her resolve be enough to rescue them? Little does Hanna know, this simple rescue operation will lead to the discovery of a mirror dimension, new friends, new enemies, dragons, and a battle between good and evil the likes of which she has never before encountered. The fate of multiple worlds hangs in the balance. Can Hanna overcome the darkness of her past? Will she rescue her friends in time? Will her decisions save humanity or doom it to destruction? How far would you go to protect the ones you love?
Fire Sword Chronicles (FSC)
Fire Sword Chronicles is the sequel to ISC, set 13 years later. Not currently available to the public (but if you want to read it, ask and I’ll send you a link). This was the book/story I worked on when I won National Novel Writing Month in 2022. This is the golden child of my writing non-career because it’s the first story that came together and was written start-to-finish in one go with minimal editing. Which is hilarious to me because the story focuses on one of the most troublesome, problematic characters in all of ISC (yes, I'm looking at you, EDJ). Frustrations immortalized in comic form below. I guess that means this story is technically finished, but is sitting in editing limbo while I work on the others.
Fire Sword Chronicles blurb:
A retired group of heroes must come together when one of their own goes missing. After saving the world once years ago, they realize the peace they established has been a facade and evil has continued to grow in spite of their efforts. Can they save their world a second time? Can they save their friend from certain doom? What would you do to protect the ones you love?
Frozen Memoirs (FM):
History of Hanna
Frozen Memoirs is a prequel to ISC, exploring the history of my main character (Hanna). Starts at her creation as an Other and follows her path as she goes from training to be a thief and assassin to being captured and genetically experimented on to finally becoming the leader of a superhuman hero organization shortly before the start of ISC. All story content for FM (including new rewritten content) can be found here: https://hannaprequel.blogspot.com
Frozen Memoirs blurb:
Hanna. A girl plagued by present struggles and an unknown history. Is she good or evil? Friend or foe? Caring or hateful? Weak or strong? Hero or villain? Maybe all of the above. You decide.
Spark
Spark is another prequel to ISC set between FM and ISC while also following a storyline congruent with the main events of ISC. This is the newest story in the lot and one I have the least amount of writing in thus far. This is meant to be a shorter story than the previous three and is meant to fill in some blanks with one of the characters in ISC. I’m not saying any more than that because: 1 - I don’t have a whole lot to go off of, 2 - I don’t want to give away any spoilers (though I have a feeling my co-authors can guess which character this story is about). Not open to the public and no story blurb.
The Promised Land
The Promised Land is a completely independent story about a girl who wakes up in a post-apocalyptic future where she has to figure out how to survive with the help of a pair of super-powered twins. Main characters are Eden, Caden (Blitz), and Shiloh (Boomer). I started this story in college and plan to get back to (re)writing it after I get through a bunch of the ISC writing. I have a lot of new ideas I’d like to implement and it’s overdue for attention. Most of the story content can be found here: https://tpleden.blogspot.com
The Promised Land blurb:
Ordinary American college sophomore, Eden Teknia’s world turns inside out when she suddenly finds herself in a post-apocalyptic future. In a land where biological warfare is the norm, Eden’s path to save her own skin follows a pair of gifted twins, a secret parcel, and a mysterious nomad. Living with the infected inhabitants gives Eden a new perspective when she faces the ultimate question: What really matters in the end?
"Through the tender mercy of our God, With which the Dayspring from on high has visited us;
To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, To guide our feet into the way of peace.”
Luke 1:78-79 NKJV
I apologize if my last post caught a few of you off guard. The loss caught me off guard too. I suppose it should not have. I had been talking SilverAngel down from the ledge for a while. In the end, I could not save my friend's life. I tried. I failed. The guilt for this failure is not on me. I know I alone am inadequate. I've had the awareness and prevention trainings. I know the signs. I've seen the numbers. I can listen to you. I can give you a place to vent. I can tell you it will get better all day long, but it won't make a difference if you don't believe me. If you find yourself in the valley of hopelessness and despair, please seek professional help. Here are a few resources:
Please utilize them. There is no shame in asking for help. You have people who love you and care about you and want you to stay. I'm one of them. I care if one more light goes out. Please don't let the darkness win. Life is worth living, even when it isn't perfect.
I miss my friend, but I need to keep going. The living need my attention. The storms of life rage on and I need to help pick up the pieces where I can. I need to finish what I started. I need to focus on the next right thing.
There were good things that happened this year. Great things, even. But sad things happened too. Gotta take the sunshine with the rain. You need both to grow. If this year was not a good one for you, there is still next year. There is still tomorrow. There is today. It's not too late. It's never too late to change. It's never too late to be better.
As we close out this year, I am so thankful for many things. I am grateful for the patience, kindness, and mercies of the One True King. I am grateful for the Hope that is in me, the Light that keeps me going. I am grateful for the family and friends that have been by my side through everything this year. I'm grateful for my coworkers and current work environment. I'm grateful for my puppies who still love me when I trip over them. I'm grateful for the new adventures I've been on this year and the courage to try new things. I'm grateful for my husband.
(Princess Mononoke)
My husband has stuck with me through thick and thin. Through better and worse. Through sickness and health. Through life and loss. I don't talk about him enough. Partly because that's a side of me you have no business knowing, but also because of this fear that if I talk about something important, something bad will happen to it. Like the fb curse for relationships. What I have is precious and sacred and very dear to me. I will not part with it for anyone or anything.
(Howl's Moving Castle)
Our love may not look like big bouquets or fancy dinners or flashy jewelry. Romcoms are corny and PDA is still sappy. Instead, our love looks like stargazing in freezing temps. It's building lego sets together. It's playing video games together. It's loud duets with each other from separate rooms. It's cooking dinner and washing the dishes. It's making sure the car tank is full and the groceries are put away and the trash is taken out. It's waking up at 1 in the morning to take care of the dogs then getting up at 4 for work. It's calling each other when you are physically apart and staying on the phone for hours, even if you don't say anything at all. It's asking "what can I do for you" until you run out of things to do and still looking for things to do anyway. It's whispering "I love you" every chance you have to say it and mean it every time. It's staring into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my entire life for as long as I live.
(Tales from Earthsea)
You cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds. You cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. He's not perfect. I'm not perfect. But we're perfect together. I would follow you to the end, Forever & Always.
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