The director walks out of an interdepartmental meeting. Seeing me, she stops and says, “I heard about how you did x, y, z out west a few years ago! That’s so cool!”
Oh, I guess my previous manager told you about that.
***
I attend a coworker’s retirement event. He looks at me and grins. “I’m so glad you could make it! You know, I still tell people about the time you helped us out with a, b, c.”
I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but I guess it makes for an interesting story.
***
I leave some standard operating procedures behind for the new person so they aren’t as lost as I was when I first started. A year later, I get an email from the replacement. “Hello, thanks for all those guides you wrote. Everyone in the office still talks about how helpful you were. I’m trying my best, but you left some big shoes to fill!”
I’m sorry…? I was trying to make your life easier.
***
I send a note to a friend because I haven’t heard from them in a while. I get a response back a week later. “You have no idea how much I needed your words of encouragement. Even if we don’t talk much, I see you out there doing stuff. You inspire me!”
What stuff? I do the same thing every day. How is that inspiring?
Then it hits me.
Someone’s using me as a success story.
That doesn’t sound right. That’s actually kind of terrifying. For whatever reason, someone somewhere looks at me and goes, “THAT. That is someone who is succeeding. That is a person who will help make the world better. That is someone to look up to.” I don’t feel that way. Not at all. I see myself as a light, yes, but not a spotlight or a lighthouse. More like a tiny, little candle flickering in the corner. Fragile. One sigh away from darkness. I’m in my little sloop on life's ocean. Adjusting the sails, patching the holes, cooking the fish. Holding on for dear life in the storms. I make mistakes. I have plenty of flaws. Someone’s still watching.
Guess what? YOU are someone’s success story. You might feel like that’s impossible. You sit there and think, there’s no way. I have made every bad choice, every wrong decision, and broken every single thing I have ever put my hand to. You’re thinking, if anything, I’m the person people point at and say, “Pay attention kids, this is the perfect example of what NOT to do with your life.” Maybe. Even so, there are still people who will look at you and think, “I wish I had their resilience. Their patience. Their perseverance. Their determination to keep going, in spite of everything they’ve been through.” Someone’s still watching.
Or maybe you’re someone who made every correct decision in life and still feel like you have nothing to show for it. You do everything by the book, do exactly as you are asked, follow every rule, and everything still crumbles to dust under your fingertips. You still have to scrimp and save, fight tooth and nail, and struggle just to get by. You look around and see the people taking shortcuts to get what they want while you can’t catch a break. They say things and do things you wouldn’t dare and they get rewarded for it. Someone’s still watching.
“They don’t see everything,” you say. “That’s not a fair comparison. There is no reason for them to look up to me or want what I have. They don’t see how much I struggle with… (insert any and every personal struggle here).” No, it’s not fair. It will never be fair. We are conditioned to only share the highlights and the mountain peaks, if we share anything at all. You know what happens when someone overshares their struggles and valleys. Squeaky wheel gets the grease? Not in this world. The noisiest plane engine gets shot down. The loudest cry gets silenced. Silence is safer. Of course we’re mostly going to see the good, but some of us can see the bad too. Grass looking greener on the other side? They put hard work into their yard (or it's artificial). Water your own grass. You don’t think you’re worthy of being looked up to? None of us are. But we’re still looking for glimmers of light wherever we can find them. Maybe there is a glimmer in you. Someone’s still watching.
So keep getting up. Keep trying to do your best with what you have. If you make a bad decision because you didn’t know any better, do better when you know better. Keep persevering. Keep holding on. Keep staying the course. Keep doing the right thing. Leave people better than you found them. Keep trying. It’s worth it. You may not see it for a while, but it's worth it in the long run. Even if you don’t feel like you’re much of a success, someone somewhere still sees you as one and looks up to you. So be the best you you can be.
Someone’s still watching.
Reflect the Light.
~ Always hope ~
“But isn't it beautiful, the way we fall apart?
It's magical and tragic all, the ways we break our hearts?
So unpredictable, we're comfortably miserable.
We think we're invincible, completely unbreakable and maybe we are.”
- We Fall Apart, We As Humans
"It's not like me to worry
But when I see you fading in the dark
I'll leave a light on for you
Through the long nights, I will be right
There for you if you drift too far
I'll leave a light on for you"
- Leave A Light On, Papa Roach
