The Morning After - Maureen McGovern

So for the past three or four weeks, the Ukrainian government has been trying to kick my family out of the country. Twas a big mess with visa expiration, registration, and authorization. … and a lot of procrastination on the government's part.
Monday: Come back Wednesday
Wednesday: Come back Friday
Friday: Come back Wednesday

Yeah, it's been nerve wrecking.

Without the visa approval, my family would immediately have to leave the country for at least three months. Not really a big deal, but we're talking a whole family of 7 people. If they had to leave, my ticket home would have to be changed as well (something about not wanting to be without my family on Christmas.)

So, for the past three weeks, on top of everything else, here I am worrying about whether or not I'll get to be home for Christmas. Tis a very wearying thing, worry.

After a week, I just wanted to be with my family for christmas. It's always been odd listening to people say, "I'm going home this weekend."
It doesn't bother me like it used to, it's just odd now (unless I happen to be really homesick that day).

Of course with the end of the semester coming you have Christmas stuff all around, people exited about going home, seeing family, seeing friends.
I guess I'm thankful I had all the homework, projects, and other things going on.
Twould have been a puddle of tears had I time to stop and think about it.

Tis still odd though, when people say "Are you excited for the end of the semester?"

What goes through my head: The end of semester will determine whether I can go home or not. Where will my family be? Will I have enough time to get to them? What about our Christian family back in Ukraine?

What I actually say: *hesitantly* "I guess" or *absently* “yeah”

Course they can tell something's wrong so they ask. Then I debate whether I should tell them or not.
"Just because I'm having a rough day doesn't mean I have to make other people feel bad."
"Tell more people so they can pray for my family."
"I just want to be alone."

I know, I know, still have a lot of work in that area. I’m working on it.
Hope, worry, and trust collide quite frequently.
Then I am reminded of passages like

II Tim 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Proverbs 3:5, 6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Matthew 6:25 – 34 “Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

And songs like "Trust and Obey," "Be still my soul," and "Living by Faith."

… Then comes the mental berating.
Trust is a very great thing.
I find myself going, “Lord, please take this. There’s no way I can do this alone. I know you can take care of it… but I’ll just hold on to this little section.”
I still have a lot of work in this area. A LOT.
I know I’m not perfect. I’ll still keep trying to be perfect though. That could be both a good and bad thing.

At least things are almost over. This week’s been rough with all the projects, programs, and presentations piled into one week.

My family now has their passports and registration back. They are legal till Feb. It’s not a whole lot of time, but it’s enough to figure things out.

I am so thankful for answered prayer and for all those who knew/found out/dragged it out of me and prayed for my family and me during this time. I really appreciate it.

The semester’s coming to a close and the projects and tests will be over one way or another. Now I get to think about moving rooms and packing for home. It’s been a good semester, just incredibly busy and packed. I’ll be home for Christmas.

Note to self: don’t take on so much that you get burnt out a month and a half before you can go home and recuperate. A month is hardly enough time to fully recover from that much interaction.

Ah well, the most I can do is try.

~ Always Hope ~

Stand My Ground - Within Temptation

So busy.

Tests, quizzes, meetings, homework, classes, programs, work, food, and that stuff called sleep.

Ah well, here are some sites to check out in the meantime.

Website of the organization I'm assisting. We're still trying to get it up and running, but this is the website so far.

Site for Hanna's prequel (or what I have edited so far). I'm continuing this for NaNo. Course, most of what I write is unedited, so it may be a while before this site gets updated.

If you want some of the unedited stuff, scroll past the poem.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver line of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

--Unknown


Frozen Memoirs: unedited excerpt.

The doorknob rattled as she tried opening the locked door. I heard a loud sigh before Anna continued. “If you’re listening,” she said, “I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you. It’s just... I want to believe you can do better, if you tried.” As she talked, I quietly made my way to the window and noiselessly slid it open. I assume she kept talking. I was already out the window and sprinting to my bike. Within a few minutes I was on my way to rendezvous with the White Raven.

~ Strength and Honor ~
~ Endurance and Victory ~

Party in the CIA – Weird Al Yankovich

Yes, I can kick off the post with an insane song. It’s the weekend.

It is amazing what I get myself into.



Course it’s nothing compared to what Hanna gets into, but that’s another rant for another time.

Midterm week is over. As far as tests go, they weren’t that bad. Not that good, but not bad either. The grades were somewhere in the middle, in a place that would make any perfectionist wince in agony. I’ll work on it. Still working on balancing everything out. My priorities are like little baby ducklings that keep wandering out of line. Don’t ask me where that analogy came from. You’re following the rabbit hole, remember?

Anyway, I’m thankful for midterm week. A bunch of tests at the same time isn’t really convenient, but I like having a checkpoint. A place to stop and see how I’m doing, where I need to improve, and what subjects I need to spend more time on. On the other hand, it can be a painful revelation as well. Tis the price of knowledge, I suppose. =/
Tis knowledge I want to know though, even if it is painful. Tis necessary.



I have a habit of piling up more stuff on top of everything else I’m doing. It’s awesome that I’m involved, but at the end of the day…. I’m out of it.
*refrains from using a LotR quote about butter over too much bread*

I’m loving my job. The past couple weeks I got to work in the wood shop. ^_^ I got to help paint primer on everything and started the actual painting. I also got to use the saw and drill (no, I didn’t play with them).

I’ve done more crocheting. I finished a scarf and a couple scrunchies. Then I started on two other projects. There are also a few small sewing projects and hot glue gun projects that are on my to do list. I made cookies though.

~ Inception cookies ~



You have now been exposed to awesomeness. :|

As far as craziness goes... I found enjoyment in pulling off a prank. I f you know me, you know that’s stuff I’d talk about doing (or even worse if ye talk to Hanna), but would never actually do.
... For the most part :P



I found enjoyment in it. We may have opened the floodgates here. <_< >_>



(Don’t worry, we took all the post-it notes off. Eventually)

To add to the ever-growing list of things to do, I’ve been trying to get back to writing. Hanna’s prequel got a couple updates. Irish Rose hasn’t moved in…. far too long. In short, NaNoWriMo’s coming up. What better time to write than NaNo? I’m not planning on finishing, but I at least want to get some words in.



So yeah, I’ve been busy. Looks I will continue to be busy.

*bows* Until we meet again.

~ Always Hope! ~






Oh, and you didn’t see any of this secret stuff, ok?

Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas

It is amazing how so much can happen in so short a time. As usual, I’ve been slightly sleep deprived lately. No big deal. I can still wake up and function normally in society… for the most part.

For real though, it’s these early mornings that are killing me. I haven’t stayed up past 2 for about a week now (that I can remember anyway). Instead, I've gotten up earlier so I could have a few hours to do homework.

Homework… schoolwork… projects, programs, reading assignments, writing assignments. Yeah, those things. I need to do more of them. I need to get better at putting the things I need to do first. Sounds ironic.

Anyway, I’m going to update ye all on the story of my life at some point or another, but that takes too long.


Let me hit the highlights.

Saturday morning, I went with a group of Freedies and we helped pack about 1,120 banana boxes in a truck to be sent to Zimbabwe. That was awesome. ^_^
I like being productive. Some how, seeing physical progress is more gratifying than mental progress. Granted, there is a certain kind of joy when the program you’ve spent more than 4 hours working on runs properly, but it’s not quite the same.

Sure, I can write some code, but I’d much rather put the computer together. I like working with my hands. It lets me be all crafty-like and creative. I can be a little creative in programming, but it’s like finding a new way to get to the right answer in a math problem. I’m sure someone somewhere has a lot of fun with that.

I’m better with hammers, nails, wood, construction paper, crayons, yarn, hardware, and food. I am perfectly ok with going through life without knowing the estimated number of Pi. I know how to calculate it now though.


Moving on: jobs. I have one. It took a while to get one, but now I have one. I am very thankful to have it. Seems I pestered the dude at the work/study window enough. The original job I wanted (the one with the wood and saw dust and power tools) was given to someone else. However, I pestered them some more and got the next best thing. I get to help work the lighting, sound system, and powerpoints for chapel. Is that not awesome? What’s more, I can fill in hours working in wood shop. They’re probably going to have me paint the set at the most, but hey, it’s a start. ^_^

That turned out to be longer than I expected. Figures.



Anyway, with everything going on, it’s been difficult finding/making time to do the things I need to do. It’s still just the start of the semester/year, but I’m already exhausted.
I am extremely grateful for the encouragement I’ve been receiving from those around me and those in other countries. You guys are awesome. I mean it. Thank you.

* Non sequitur list of pictures moment *









* moment over *

Here’s a poem I wrote a while ago then recently found on my hard drive. I never really finished it, but I guess it looks fine like this.

A letter of encouragement
I to thee now write
I hope that you will not relent
Nor give up in your fight.

I know thine foes very well
For I once fought them too
Nothing new that I thee tell
Thine task was set for you

~ SMS

And because I like poetry so much, here’s another poem.
Not by me this time.




A Psalm of life

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;--

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



~ Always Hope ~

~ Never Alone ~

Viva la Vida - Coldplay

Several people come to mind when I hear this song.

The first person who comes to mind is EDJ, especially with the more “recent” (recent being a VERY relative term here, mind you :P ) revelations and deleted scenes in ISC. EDJ was immortal. He had it all at one point, but it meant nothing to him. He would give it up in a heartbeat to be normal again. Think Barbossa ;)

Along that same vein, Shard also comes to mind. Most of the coauthors would get this more than the readers probably, simply because they know how power-hungry she is. She wishes she had it all. She would stop at nothing to rule not only this world, but all the other worlds as well. Think Queen of Hearts

The third person that comes to mind is The Master from Doctor Who. He got Earth. Lot of good that did him, he was still tormented.

Anyway, it’s good to just take a step back from whatever is going on in your life. Take a breath, look at things from a different perspective, stop and think.

This week is Spring Break for me. I know a lot of people who needed this break more than I, but I think all the students at school needed it for some reason or another. I needed some time to just stop and reevaluate how I’ve been handling this semester. I’ve unloaded my stress on others, I haven’t been keeping up with my workload, and I’ve spent more time “socializing” than I have anything else (as hard as THAT is to believe, I apparently do have a social life).

Last semester I was on top of the world. Granted I was ready to go home for Christmas Break, I finished the semester strong. I had good grades and was proud of the effort I put into my work. It was hard that semester, being the first one away from home and all. I also made a lot of new friends, meaning there were very few I knew and trusted enough to talk to about issues that bothered me.

This semester, I slacked off. I’m more comfortable in my environment. People talk to me about things that bother them and I, in turn, talk to them. I’m still getting used to the idea that people actually are interested in getting to know me as a person and not just label me as a foreigner. I’m taking on about the same amount of work as last semester, but putting in only half the effort. Ever so slowly, what little I have built up is already starting to crumble. I needed to take a break from people, deadlines, and various loud and obnoxious activities *mutters* something involving “music.” *ahem*

I needed to step outside my snow globe and get things straightened out before I could proceed.

So, I let my roommate kidnap me and take me to Wisconsin.

She was nice enough to let me pack in a time span of 10 minutes.

I’m grateful for the cold weather. Cold weather seems to help me think better anyway.
I got time to sleep in and we spent time at a park, lake, cheese factory, and concert. We even made cupcakes.
I took the time to write a 52-line poem for a poetry contest back at school. I might post it later.

I got bad news from my family before break (one of my grandfathers had passed away) then I got really good news from my family while I was on break (my brother was baptized).

I found out what I had been making in my classes and what I could do over the break to start improving it.

Every now and then, you just have to take a time out from life and rethink where you’re going and what you’re doing with the time you’ve been given.

Who says you can’t go home? – Bon Jovi

Wow, what a week.

After a full half-week of exhaustion, my mind is now officially on vacation.

Monday I had an English final at 8 in the morning and an Algebra final in the afternoon.
Algebra totally killed my brain cells for the rest of that day. I almost walked into a parked car. Later that day, someone said something about having a good Monday and I sat there for a good ten seconds thinking, “…Monday? …What’s today?” I eventually ended up taking a nap, which anyone who knows me knows I detest naps for no known logical reason. >_>

Random moment:

While studying for my speech final that night, I came across this quote:

“You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.” ~ Pearl S. Buck

Ironic.

Anyway, Tuesday went exceptionally well. I actually enjoyed the speech and programming finals. I found a note in the mail that was written in Russian, which increased my day by another level of awesome. I was able to sell a few of my textbooks. Of course, it was only a fraction of the price I bought them at, but hey I got knowledge and money both out of them, I can’t complain.

Wednesday, ah that was an interesting day… So, I get up and take my History final at 8:30. I then have an Acts of the Apostles final. I was about to fall asleep just before that final. You know what saved me? Cookies. Music. Candy. It was just enough to get me past that last final. Not long after that, I spent the next 4 hours somewhat dazed. I dislike not being able to think properly, course I ignore the obvious logical solution: go to bed. Thankfully, my future roomie saved me from oblivion long enough for me to help her move the rest of her stuff to my room, go to services, and continue moving.

*flashback*

*finishes moving stuff*
Roomie: *sits on bed* Ow, your bed is hard.
Me: I like it that way. *blank look* ...Is it supposed to be softer?
Roomie: A rock is softer.
Me: *blinks* ...oh...

*end flashback*

I’m telling you, sleep depravity kills. >_>
I’m going to have to sleep in tomorrow if I expect to survive the 13 hours of travel time.

I can’t wait to get home. It’s been fun, but I am soooo ready for a break.
…now I’m just repeating myself… *shrugs*

"Been there, done that, I ain’t looking back."

~ Savvy

Home Sweet Home – Motley Crue

Finals are upon us all.

Ok, so not really upon everyone who reads this, but close enough.

I should be worried, but I’m relaxing. I should be stressed, but I’m chilling. I should be frenzied, but I’m… pacing.
Pacing: one of my favorite hobbies when I’m deep in thought.

My mind has been on shutdown today ever since my last class. Thus, I know I won’t be able to get any profitable studying in, yet I detest sitting idle for too long.

After dinner, I explored the art building for the first time, watched Home Alone for the tenth time, ran across an open field and mostly deserted street, watched people play video games, played video games with them, paced both inside and outside the dorm lobby, and started writing two new songs.

Yeah, I’m fairly certain I’m just sleep deprived at this point. At least I get to sleep in tomorrow. Oh, how I miss home. I can’t wait to go back. Not to say I don’t like it here, but home is where the heart is.

Earlier in the semester, the ever so rare breaks were closer to Everybody’s Working For The Weekend, but now I’m ready for an actual chance to Drift Away.

Hey, it could happen.


~Always Hope~

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

I've never been a big fan of change. Sure, I like variety, but stability and I go a long way back. I like some things to stay the way they are. Other things I'm just fine with changing.

Moving to college? Bring it on.

Extra schoolwork? Oh, how I've missed thee.

Meeting new people? Sure, just watch your approach.

American swing-sets? I'm tempted to tear one down and rebuild it my way...

Calling someone other than my mother "Mama"? ...I'll get back to you on that.


This has been the season of change. Ever since I got here, life has been a roller coaster of events. I haven't been able to pull off an all-nighter, simply because I've been too exhausted to. How I miss homeschooling. Time was never exactly on my side, but now it's attacking in full force.

Then there's the emotional drama involved. Ick, I never thought of myself as being very girly. "A tomboy at heart," I say. Jeans, mud, four-wheelers, woodworking, programming, plumbing, video games, rock climbing, heated debates over which hero is better. (Btw, Batman wins. Every time.) Let's face it, romantic conversations have never appealed to me. 9 out of 10, I'm hanging out with the guys. One of my hobbies is actually making fun of the sappy chick flicks I'm forced to watch.

Logic has been my best friend since I can remember. After all, "The melodies of logic must always play out the truth." Right?

Right..... not.

Anyway, yeah... none of the girls I know love logic the way I do. Some come close, but...
I say "Computer Engineering" and they say "....Wow, I'm glad you can do that because that's over my head." *facepalm*
Then there are the others who say, "Oh, you're one of THOSE people..."

Well, I must have picked the right major because I seem to be doing exceedingly well in my programming class. I started an assignment before the teacher finished telling us what to do. Course I was the first to finish. This isn't the first time that's happened. Hopefully, it won't be the last. Hopefully, the class isn't just really easy and I won't find myself struggling with the other computer classes next semester. Always Hope.

Wow, now I'm just rambling. Evil fatigue. Ah well, my time of rest shall come. Thanksgiving break. Christmas break. Either way, I need a vacation. In some ways, I want my old life back. Things were so much simpler then. But... that's not what life is about... is it? Of course not. No one would ever grow if they stayed in the same place all their lives.