Kryptonite – Three Doors Down

Welcome, wondering wayfarer and weary wanderer.

Salutations and joyous greetings, for to read this note is to mean that you still follow my ever shifting, yet repetitive, train of thought. If you don’t always follow the train, at least you are attempting to follow the tracks thereof. If even the tracks are too hidden, follow the footprints, for I often lose my train and have to go find it again myself.

As much as I enjoy my time here, I find myself feeling more and more worn and spent as the days go on. My usually high patience and tolerance levels are getting nearer to the brink of breaking. Sometimes I think my concern for others and/or compassion is not as prominent as it once was. I shall refrain from saying I feel like “butter scraped over too much bread.” However, I will attest to needing a long holiday. Not permanent (as much as I would or would not wish it so), just long enough to rejuvenate my being. After being enveloped in this foreign society for such an extended period of time, I need time to refocus.

It’s hard to believe that it has already been nearly an entire school year.
Crazy! Impossible! Yet true.
So much has happened in what feels has been a short time.
I’ve made more friends that I ever thought was humanly possible. I have faced challenges I refused to believe would ever exist.

In some instances, I took a leap of faith. In others, I firmly held my ground. Still others, (more than I would care to admit) I hovered over a choice, too afraid to fly and too stubborn to stay down.

In the end, I want to be able to say that I helped the many people I came in contact with, I went beyond what was asked of me, and I put forth my best effort in everything I put my hand to.
When I look back though, all I can really say is that I only did what was asked of me. There were a few times when I went the extra half a mile, perhaps even the full mile, to help a friend or even someone I knew would most likely not repay me (though I hoped they would, thus kept track of it anyway). I will be the first to admit fault, though the last to vocalize it. Perhaps I am too hard on myself.

Ah well, come, come, tis time for more lively talk.

Finals are just around the corner, but the last few weeks have been packed with more than school requirements. Some of you may yet know that I have had an ear infection in both ears for the past three weeks. The first week I pretty much ignored the irritation and assumed it to be due to the cold I had. Soon enough, the cold disappeared in importance as the pain in my ears was robbing me of music, peace, and sleep. Apparently I can be surpassingly stubborn. Finally being persuaded to see the doctor, I was given medication (not before nearly passing out and accidentally breaking a vase, but tis a story for another time) and a doctor’s note for the two classes I missed. I do believe one of the more prominent thoughts during that time was, “So this is what lightheadedness feels like. I don’t like it.” The next week, I went back and found that the infection was still there, thus was prescribed stronger antibiotics. Thankfully, the last time I went back, he said that the infection had cleared up significantly and unless the symptoms returned, I did not have to see him again. Oddly enough, I’ve been twice as quiet as I normally am in this period of time. Ah well, silence is my strong suit anyway.

Hmm, that paragraph did not sound as lighthearted as I had hoped. Let’s try again.

Last weekend, I watched the Shakespearean play “The Taming of the Shrew” and its successor, “The Woman’s Prize.” I heartily agreed to write an article for the newspaper on the play. A few of my friends were in the play, thus making the information gathering process that much easier and the play that much more enjoyable to watch. In fact, I watched the play twice. The second time I went was the last time it was to be performed. After the performance, the actors were to stay and take down the set. Once I heard whoever was in charge mention that they needed people to grab drills, I promptly asked him if I could help. His hesitance was obvious (he asked me if I was incompetent, for crying out loud :P ), though I still managed to get my hands on a drill and start unscrewing what must have been a thousand screws holding the set together. Others had drills as well, of course. I cannot tell you enough how much I had missed working with wood and power tools. The last time I had done any significantly big project with wood was when I helped my father make a waterbed frame quite a few years ago. After the set was completely dismantled, the group was off to waffle house for a cast party. I got to go with them. ^_^

Then earlier this week, I met with a Bible teacher to discuss creating a field lab for when I go home. I can now get credit hours by helping the church back home. Of course, tis more technical than that. Some requirements include a daily journal, a 2-3-page book review, and a 5-7-page paper on the history of the church in Ukraine. This will help me gain credit hours for future reference, but more importantly, I’m hoping it will help me grow spiritually. By forcing myself to step outside my comfort zone, I will now grab hold of opportunities that I would normally let pass by.

People ask why I would do such a thing. Of course, they also ask what I’m going to do with my Computer Science degree. Sometimes I wish people could see the world the way I see it. Nay, there have been many times I wished such. For one thing, it would make my having to explain the “odd” things I do less tedious. Here is where the lack of patience part comes in. Where once before I would joyfully explain things, now tis to the point that I have to keep myself from becoming frustrated with the onslaught of questions. I enjoy questions, I truly do. Even the repetitive ones, they give me a chance to say the same thing several different ways and watch people’s reactions. But with some people, I find myself mentally screaming at them to stop. Tis a very nerve wrecking experience. In one instance, I want people to be more inquisitive, yet at the same time, I wish they would leave me alone. I am obviously not an extrovert.

Ack, I stumbled upon yet another stress relieving rant. My apologies. Let us continue on the positive path.

This weekend was eventful. Last night, I attended a formal banquet at the Hard Rock café with GTO, the insane Makin’ Music club I did the show with (by the by, I included a video of our performance below). After dinner, they gave out awards to various members of the club. Then today, I attended a Ladies’ Day one of the congregations in the area was hosting. The theme was “A worry free life,” a much-needed lesson by the looks of this post. The speaker had been working in Haiti for the past 15 years. Her example and lesson on how we should give our troubles and worries to God are a good reminder of what I’m really here for. Later today, GTO hosted FHU’s first ever Quidditch tournament. Yes, you read that right. The purpose in having a Quidditch tournament was to raise money for one of the local elementary schools.

Next weekend, I am participating in a walk to raise money to help Japan. I’ve been part of the planning committee for this walk for the past month. The goal is to raise $15,000 and the walk takes place May 7th. We’ve handed out fliers, made posters, written newspaper articles, and made chapel announcements for the event. This event is in collaboration with Soles4Souls, so people can donate shoes if they want, though this effort is really a push to send financial help.
And just because I’m a team player, feel free to check out the site. Donate if you wish, I promise not to hunt you down and give you poisoned cookies if you don’t (that’s EDJ’s job).

So, as you can very well see, there have been plenty of ups and downs in the last few weeks.
I’m sure there is much more to come, especially with finals and finally going home for some. To those who have helped my through this stressful time, I only hope I have not been too intolerable in return. If I have, you only have to put up with me for a couple more weeks. I shall return to my cheerfully optimistic self when I get home.

Until then…
Always Hope.

All The Right Moves - OneRepublic

Incredible! Just, wow. You would not believe half the stuff I did over the past two weeks.

Ok, so Feed has this thing called Makin’ Music. Apparently it’s a big deal. Every social club forms a cast and comes up with a 7 ½ minute long musical thing with pieces of rewritten songs and choreography. (Hey, best explanation I can come up with right now). A few months ago, my roomie asked me to be in her club’s cast because they were short on members. I promptly refused her request due to the busy schedule I already had (and to be honest, the idea of loud club activities kind of scares me). She left the subject alone for a time while she tried recruiting others. Eventually, she came back and begged me to help, giving me this whole sob story about how they only needed 5 more members otherwise they would not be able to compete. Having no proper idea of what I was getting myself into, I gave in. A few hours a week we would go to the auditorium and practice vocals, blocking, and staging. Then insane retreat weekend came. We were up and ready to practice choreography at 6:30. Every day that weekend we stayed until curfew (1:00 AM). Then almost every day after that, we practiced for a few hours. We performed Thursday for the children’s show, Friday’s evening show, and twice on Saturday. It was amazing every time. There were 6 clubs performing and each one of them worked their hardest. Unfortunately, our club did not place in any of the categories or get any awards, but we still had tons of fun preparing for and finally performing the show.

We had epic music, dressed up in awesome costumes, put on make up and face paint. I got to know the club members better and, dare I say it, I even started cheering with them. At the beginning, when they did their loud and obnoxious cheering, I stayed on the sidelines covering my ears. By the end of it, I was close to the middle jumping and cheering like mad. In the beginning, I didn’t really care for Makin’ Music, I was only there because I had to be. I cried when it was over. I had a giant heart plastered to my face. I wore a black wig. People actually could not recognize me! (OO) Insane right? (I actually like the wig, maybe I can get a longer one and put it up in pigtails or something... ;) )

I got very little sleep and my grades didn’t do so well, but I’m glad I did it.

In The Mood – Glenn Miller

So I actually took the time to chillax, ignoring the threat of impending homework, a stressed out mind, and a worn out body.

Somehow it’s much easier if you have the right music.

I haven’t been able to get this song out of my head for the past two days and I know why.

Yesterday, my roomie and I went to stay the night at her friend’s house. We played Clue and let “The Doctor Dances” play on the TV in the background. We watched Doctor Who and Sherlock, played games, and ate donuts; some with sprinkles, some without (random side note of which only Christy, Jackie, and I will ever know the true meaning behind... or we say we do).

Today, we went shopping. Before I even begin telling you about how much I dislike shopping, I made it out with sewing supplies and fabric. Period. My work with this paragraph is done.

We then went to this concert. It was a university band playing at a local high school.

So at this concert, I’m peacefully listening to the band play “Hymn to the Eternal Sky” by Satoshi Yagisawa. I start thinking, “This would make an epic title sequence in ISC” then I proceed to imagine said sequence. I had all the characters and entrances (riding over the plains, soaring the skies, over cliffs, etc.) when all of a sudden; Christy turns to me and says it reminds her of Aladdin. Appalled, I tell her what I was picturing, to which she then replies that the song would make a good theme song for me.

Apparently, the image of this song blasting through an iPod as I enter the room is some kind of scene of awesomeness or something. *shrugs* No clue. That’s what I got from her statement.

I'll try and explain what I imagined, but it might be a bit difficult. (I see things in pictures, bear with me :P )

Best thing to do is play this song and try your best to picture it along with the music, then again, if you haven't read ISC ... follow the link.


Be warned, this is more focused toward the coauthors.



Blue sky, a few birds flitter here and there, green fields. You see Hanna standing outside in the tall grass, the wind blowing in her hair, (surprisingly enough) a smile on her face. Back to blue sky. (this might kill you, but she’s actually wearing a smile the whole time)
The words “Ice Sword Chronicles” appear on the screen in fancy ice blue lettering.
Scene switch to Hanna looking into a barn and there’s Lui with the horses, not a care in the world (as usual). He crouches to pet a puppy (awww). And Hanna’s still there, leaning against the doorframe watching him (*cough* stalker *cough*). He looks up and sees her and he gives her his usual grin. He walks to her, takes her hand, then dashes off (into the sunse-er wrong ending). They run through the fields and toward a cliff. They jump off, Hanna grabs Lui’s other hand, and they go flying (Hanna still holding onto Lui’s hands of course). They fly upward and into the sky and clouds. They lower enough to see DJ riding a horse across the fields and they fly over him (not directly over him, just to the side, but still high enough so, oh never mind). DJ stops his horse and looks up at them ( prolly a smile or wave... or both). They keep flying and see Misty standing near a stream. She looks up at them and her falcon takes off to fly with them for a bit. They spot Christina and Hairam in some town (particularly in the shopping district). Hanna lowers close enough to the ground to drop off Lui before landing on her feet herself a few feet away. The characters all meet up in the town and approach/walk up the steps of a grand castle. They bow before some queen or something then stand up and turn to the crowd. Camera zooms out and that’s where Christy messed with my concentration. I totally lost it after that.

Title sequence. Beginning, ending, sequel, I don't know. From the looks of it, I'd guess end of ISC in Thorae. *shrugs*

While Christy's thinking of theme songs, I’ll still be picturing my ISC scene and trying to figure it out. :P


Yeah... chillaxing... chillaxing is good

Viva la Vida - Coldplay

Several people come to mind when I hear this song.

The first person who comes to mind is EDJ, especially with the more “recent” (recent being a VERY relative term here, mind you :P ) revelations and deleted scenes in ISC. EDJ was immortal. He had it all at one point, but it meant nothing to him. He would give it up in a heartbeat to be normal again. Think Barbossa ;)

Along that same vein, Shard also comes to mind. Most of the coauthors would get this more than the readers probably, simply because they know how power-hungry she is. She wishes she had it all. She would stop at nothing to rule not only this world, but all the other worlds as well. Think Queen of Hearts

The third person that comes to mind is The Master from Doctor Who. He got Earth. Lot of good that did him, he was still tormented.

Anyway, it’s good to just take a step back from whatever is going on in your life. Take a breath, look at things from a different perspective, stop and think.

This week is Spring Break for me. I know a lot of people who needed this break more than I, but I think all the students at school needed it for some reason or another. I needed some time to just stop and reevaluate how I’ve been handling this semester. I’ve unloaded my stress on others, I haven’t been keeping up with my workload, and I’ve spent more time “socializing” than I have anything else (as hard as THAT is to believe, I apparently do have a social life).

Last semester I was on top of the world. Granted I was ready to go home for Christmas Break, I finished the semester strong. I had good grades and was proud of the effort I put into my work. It was hard that semester, being the first one away from home and all. I also made a lot of new friends, meaning there were very few I knew and trusted enough to talk to about issues that bothered me.

This semester, I slacked off. I’m more comfortable in my environment. People talk to me about things that bother them and I, in turn, talk to them. I’m still getting used to the idea that people actually are interested in getting to know me as a person and not just label me as a foreigner. I’m taking on about the same amount of work as last semester, but putting in only half the effort. Ever so slowly, what little I have built up is already starting to crumble. I needed to take a break from people, deadlines, and various loud and obnoxious activities *mutters* something involving “music.” *ahem*

I needed to step outside my snow globe and get things straightened out before I could proceed.

So, I let my roommate kidnap me and take me to Wisconsin.

She was nice enough to let me pack in a time span of 10 minutes.

I’m grateful for the cold weather. Cold weather seems to help me think better anyway.
I got time to sleep in and we spent time at a park, lake, cheese factory, and concert. We even made cupcakes.
I took the time to write a 52-line poem for a poetry contest back at school. I might post it later.

I got bad news from my family before break (one of my grandfathers had passed away) then I got really good news from my family while I was on break (my brother was baptized).

I found out what I had been making in my classes and what I could do over the break to start improving it.

Every now and then, you just have to take a time out from life and rethink where you’re going and what you’re doing with the time you’ve been given.

Savin’ Me – Nickelback

Wow, long time no see…er…hear…read… something along those lines.

Life has an uncanny knack of sucking the life out of me at times.

Some days I find myself thinking, “Bring it on! I can handle anything you throw at me! Nothing can deter me from accomplishing what I set out to do.”

Then there are the days where I find myself whispering, “Save me. Please. I can’t keep this up.”

One thing I find myself wishing for recently is a pair of wings. Yes, wings. Like Hanna’s wings. Exactly like Hanna’s wings. See, they supposedly give you this awesome ability of unaided human flight. With wings, one can soar the skies, explore the mountains, and sail upon the clouds. They can give you speed and perspective. With wings, you don’t have to worry about falling. You’ll always be able to stop yourself from ever hitting the ground. With wings, you can escape dangerous situations. You can fly away from toils and heartache for a time.

On second thought, wings might not be such a great idea. With unlimited power and freedom, what’s to keep you from pride? Without fear of failure and defeat, how do you experience true perseverance and success? With such an easy escape route, what is there to teach you responsibility and dependence?

With wings, why would you need God?

*sigh* Yes, it’s been that kind of week. Granted there were some very enjoyable times throughout the week, though more often than not they get pushed to the backburner when you’re sleep deprived.

I really felt like writing something though. Every now and then you have to just take a few minutes and forget about the demands of life. Whether that is through video games, books, friends, writing, or sleeping is your choice. Well, I guess sleeping doesn’t really count because we have to do that out of necessity anyway and we can’t really say we enjoy it because we’re asleep. Unless you take a nap and have some kind of epic dream and remember it or something.

Off topic.

I know a lot of people who have had it pretty rough over the past couple weeks, this last week especially. Discouragement, just as encouragement, can spread like wildfire. It takes strong people to, not only stand against oncoming discouragement, but to turn that around and spread encouragement to those in need as well. One part of a sermon I once heard made the point that agape love is loving someone because they need it. Everyone needs to be loved and encouraged. Because we are fallible humans, it seems easier to encourage some people more than others. With some people, it’s just so much easier to ignore them than to try and say something nice to them, more so because of their own actions and attitudes than yours. They still need someone to love them, someone to help them out, especially when no one else will. That was the point of the sermon anyway.

The great thing about being a listening ear is that if you can’t find any way to help someone, at the very least, you’re there to listen. They know you’re there for them, sometimes that’s all it takes.
I came here to study for a degree, but maybe… It isn’t about the four years of studying for a degree… maybe it’s about the moments in between those years helping those you care about.

Agree? Disagree? Thoughts?

God put us when and where we are for a reason. We are what and who we are because of how we got here. God has always been there for us, whether we accepted His help or not. He is still there for us. We cannot even begin to comprehend what God has planned for us if we will accept His help.
Psalm 73; John 14:27; Phil. 4:6, 7; Jer. 1:5

Yeah, sleep deprivation gets me on a multitude of varying tangents.

On a lighter note, I stopped to think about the practicality of some of the epic battles I’ve had a hand in writing. I came to the conclusion that what Hanna lacks in common sense, she makes up for in agility.

I keep getting this longing to write again. Not school writing, hobby writing. Fun writing. Ice Sword Chronicles, Irish Rose, and Look Through My Eyes are in dire need of their author/coauthors. I really want to get back to writing with my coauthors. Maybe we’ll go on a massive writing spree over the summer and be punching out three parts a day again (not that we were really writing that much to begin with, but it felt like it). Maybe, maybe not. One can dream. For the moment, ISC stays where it is. Which may be a good thing, because one cannot rush random awesomeness without severe repercussions.

Ok, I’m calling it a night.

Love Stinks - J. Geils Band

The time has come… for something epic.
I have no epicness at the moment, but I have plenty of awesomeness, or so I’m told. *shrugs* no matter.

Ah well, a collection of random quotes tossed hither and thither, if you will. I'd find more of them, but these are the random ones I remember at the moment.



Bible story – absolute truth – God’s commandments = perfectly happy audience


Name her "Rational," just spell it like "Rachel." - Moe


You make vanilla awesome – Christina


Logic makes me happy


Careful, there’s gravity there – Scott


The roses are wilting
The violets are dead
The candy bowl’s empty
And so is your head
- Marriage and the Family class


Never Alone!


Always Hope!

Logical Song - Supertramp

*post*

Yayness for actually getting around to this again.

Getting back into the swing of this has been harder than I thought it would be.
Primarily because as soon as I figured out a system last semester, it ended and I'm stuck with a new schedule.

The FHU Lectureships are keeping the place lively. I've seen several people who were only ever present embedded in memories.

I've been wanting to write again. Such lengthy spans of uncreative activity can be draining and dangerous.

On the flip side, I've been practicing piano more. Which goes back to the proverbial, "don't use it, you lose it" quote.

*sigh*

Ah well, time marches on.

I find myself having to continually remind myself why I came here.

Bah, enough negative chatter.

I applied for yet another job position, hopefully that goes well.
Also looks like I'm going to be writing for the newspaper again, which is always fun.

*nods* That's better.


~ Strength and Honor ~