So for the past three or four weeks, the Ukrainian government has been trying to kick my family out of the country. Twas a big mess with visa expiration, registration, and authorization. … and a lot of procrastination on the government's part.
Monday: Come back Wednesday
Wednesday: Come back Friday
Friday: Come back Wednesday
Yeah, it's been nerve wrecking.
Without the visa approval, my family would immediately have to leave the country for at least three months. Not really a big deal, but we're talking a whole family of 7 people. If they had to leave, my ticket home would have to be changed as well (something about not wanting to be without my family on Christmas.)
So, for the past three weeks, on top of everything else, here I am worrying about whether or not I'll get to be home for Christmas. Tis a very wearying thing, worry.
After a week, I just wanted to be with my family for christmas. It's always been odd listening to people say, "I'm going home this weekend."
It doesn't bother me like it used to, it's just odd now (unless I happen to be really homesick that day).
Of course with the end of the semester coming you have Christmas stuff all around, people exited about going home, seeing family, seeing friends.
I guess I'm thankful I had all the homework, projects, and other things going on.
Twould have been a puddle of tears had I time to stop and think about it.
Tis still odd though, when people say "Are you excited for the end of the semester?"
What goes through my head: The end of semester will determine whether I can go home or not. Where will my family be? Will I have enough time to get to them? What about our Christian family back in Ukraine?
What I actually say: *hesitantly* "I guess" or *absently* “yeah”
Course they can tell something's wrong so they ask. Then I debate whether I should tell them or not.
"Just because I'm having a rough day doesn't mean I have to make other people feel bad."
"Tell more people so they can pray for my family."
"I just want to be alone."
I know, I know, still have a lot of work in that area. I’m working on it.
Hope, worry, and trust collide quite frequently.
Then I am reminded of passages like
II Tim 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Proverbs 3:5, 6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
Matthew 6:25 – 34 “Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”
And songs like "Trust and Obey," "Be still my soul," and "Living by Faith."
… Then comes the mental berating.
Trust is a very great thing.
I find myself going, “Lord, please take this. There’s no way I can do this alone. I know you can take care of it… but I’ll just hold on to this little section.”
I still have a lot of work in this area. A LOT.
I know I’m not perfect. I’ll still keep trying to be perfect though. That could be both a good and bad thing.
At least things are almost over. This week’s been rough with all the projects, programs, and presentations piled into one week.
My family now has their passports and registration back. They are legal till Feb. It’s not a whole lot of time, but it’s enough to figure things out.
I am so thankful for answered prayer and for all those who knew/found out/dragged it out of me and prayed for my family and me during this time. I really appreciate it.
The semester’s coming to a close and the projects and tests will be over one way or another. Now I get to think about moving rooms and packing for home. It’s been a good semester, just incredibly busy and packed. I’ll be home for Christmas.
Note to self: don’t take on so much that you get burnt out a month and a half before you can go home and recuperate. A month is hardly enough time to fully recover from that much interaction.
Ah well, the most I can do is try.
~ Always Hope ~
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