I had trouble deciding between this song and “Live Like We’re Dyin’”. So of course that song plays right after this one.
*sigh*
Thanksgiving break, but I still feel like I’m supposed to be supervising, coordinating, or just doing something in general. Sure, I have homework to do (mostly reading different chapters of different textbooks or the like). The past three weeks have been blocked up with work, meetings, classes, and other projects, so unwinding has been... difficult?
I’m involved in at least 4 different groups that meet on a regular basis.
Missions Group – Meets every other week and discusses different aspects of mission work for the mission minded.
Personal Evangelism – A newer group that meets every week and discusses ways to spread the Gospel.
Southern Oaks – Meets every week and hosts a devotional at the Southern Oaks Assisted living home.
A Helping Hand – A new student-based organization I’m part of. Our goal is to spread the Gospel as well as help with physical needs of those we are teaching. I’m part of the IT department of the organization.
I’m probably missing a couple other groups. Add classes, homework, group projects, and work to that mix.
Now that the musical is over, things should be pretty easy at work. I just have to make sure to secure the job so I can have it next semester. My boss already said I could have the job when I brought it up, but I figure reminding him every so often before the end of the semester would be a good idea.
I can always count on people around me to tell me how stressed I seem. You know it’s bad when you have friends telling you on a daily basis to chill out or take some time off. Finally being persuaded to spend some time relaxing, I took one day and canceled two meetings and moved two other meetings to different times. Trying to ignore most calls and texts, I ate dinner by myself and watched The Wrath of Khan in solitude. I enjoyed every minute of it. Despite being called an extrovert, I still like to think of myself as in introvert. I wanted some time alone (not to do homework) just to get my mind off everything. It left me feeling a little better; at least enough to last me through the rest of the week.
Now it’s Thanksgiving break. I’m spending it with a friend’s family in Oklahoma. By the time it came down to planning where I was going, I just wanted to get away from everyone and everything. That sounds really selfish...
There is a fine line somewhere in there that I’m still trying to figure out.
I sat down to write (NaNoWriMo, remember?) only to get nothing as far as inspiration goes. When I have time, I have no inspiration or desire to write. When I’m super busy, I have all the inspiration in the world. The stuff keeps me up at night until I tell myself I need to relax and get some sleep. Tis an merciless cycle.
The thing is, even when I do take a break from things, my mind still plagues me. I’ll be thinking about problems others are having and how I can help or different plans that need to be made or things on my to-do list (both short term and long term) and how I can accomplish them.
The truth of the matter is, I can never really get away from everything.
(cool points to whoever can correctly guess what these pics are from)
There is comfort in knowing God is in control, but that’s after I remind myself of that. I want to do everything on my own. For some reason, I feel that I have to. “No one else is going to do it for you.” Or “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” So I do. I automatically try to take care of others and help them with their problems in addition to juggling my own. If someone asks for help, I’ll drop what I’m doing and take on that as well. Tis no wonder I get so worn out. But I can’t stop, oh no. I can’t neglect anyone, otherwise I’ll be letting them down and that’s the last thing I want to happen.
*sigh*
Then I take a deep breath and remember why I became a Christian: because I was sick of trying to handle life on my own.
Looks like I’m still learning. =/
Don’t get me wrong I enjoy helping people. I’m thankful for the chance to help someone in need. I love my job. I’m thankful for the education I’m getting. I lament the fact that I let other things take priority over homework time and I have to rush through the material. I’m thankful for my friends and teachers. I’m thankful for the different groups I get to be part of. I’m thankful for my immediate physical family and I long for the day I can be with them again. I’m thankful for my spiritual family, life would be 10 times more difficult without them. I’m thankful for my extended physical family (hi grandma!) and the fact that I can stay in contact with them better now that I’m stateside. I’m thankful for my awesome friend who let me stay with her family for Thanksgiving. Maybe before the end of the week I can force myself to relax before the final stretch of school. Maybe. There’s a slight chance I’m going to go Black Friday shopping. *shudders* (20 years with a spotless record for what? That’s the question.)
With any luck, I’ll live to see Christmas break. I’m guessing I won’t be able to fully relax till I’m on the plane ride home.
~ Always Hope ~
~ Never Alone ~
~ Endurance and Victory ~
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